WHAT IS THE END DATE?

 WHAT IS THE END DATE?

After dark, I'm wary of what lies beyond the fence that marks my property's edge. Shapes are all around me, and I'm trying to figure out what they are. I imagine people hiding from me, just like the shadows I see behind the trees. Protruding bushes provide the impression of stones. The ground is fuzzy, and I keep stumbling over it.

The heavy thudding of a kangaroo's hooves can be heard to my left. I can't believe they can do it in such dim light across such rugged terrain and dense vegetation. There is a stir from behind. In an ideal world, it would be a wombat or echidna. Reptiles can't survive in these temperatures. The temperature dropped from 40 to 30 degrees Celsius today. It was too warm for them to be active.

Inside is like an oven, with the walls radiating heat, so it's good I'm outside. However, it is the artwork that gives me the creeps. The wide grins and bright eyes reveal stories of happy days and loving households.

The kitchen is deserted when I need to start dinner preparations. The kitchen still has all of its pots and pans, as well as its well-stocked pantry and refrigerator. Still, there is no longer the sound of little feet rushing across the old floors to tell me something or the warm greeting of a partner who has come in to share stories about their day.

I hope to witness miniature people racing down the corridor, hopping onto beds, and falling off sofas. With the right person, I'd love to have a drink, flirt, and maybe even steal a kiss.

Laughter, giggling, and any sign of human interaction are as distant memories as the now-adult children. The family is pressuring me to put the house up for sale. They've been nagging me to sell it for a while now.

I stumbled out of one of their bedrooms in the middle of the night. It had been a long day. I waited patiently for a window of opportunity to creep in and listen to them breathe. All would be well, I told myself, if only I could sneak inside and listen to the gentle flow of air in and out of a child's nostrils and mouth, the most comforting and sleep-inducing sound for a parent.

I realized the room had been empty for five years when I opened the door and saw the emptiness for the first time.

The first to speak was Brendan. I wasn't shocked by that. When he finally loaded up his girlfriend's station wagon with all his belongings and hit the road, he could not contain his excitement. Before he departed, I fully anticipated another dressing down from him about how I had mistreated his mother.

It took Jill a whole year after his departure to leave. She felt threatened whenever I dated other women. I had hoped she would regard my decision to move on as me making up for the unpleasant time we had spent together when Susan and I were still together.

The last girl I had over-discovered me in the living room. I had been gently banging on the door not to wake anyone inside. When I first heard the door, I assumed Susan was on the other side. Stealthily, I began tapping on a table. I was trying to avoid disturbing her.

Even if Susan had just finished chemo, been vomiting, and been weary, my rapping never bothered her because she was always up and waiting for me when I entered.

She didn't say anything in the months leading up to her departure. There was nothing she could do but observe. The only portion of her body that wasn't devoured by the illness was her eyes.

Her anger had long since subsided. Her large, faraway eyes were flitting around in alarm. There was my attention. Her entire body was too much for me to take in.

It appears that the moon is emerging from the clouds. An hour ago, it emerged behind the trees, casting a glassy blue light. As one looks into the distance, lightning strikes illuminate the sky.

As the moon rises, clouds pass before it, temporarily blocking it from sight. This leaves me in pitch blackness. I have to focus hard to make out any detail.

Following the dispersal of the cloud, normal visibility has been restored. Then, a minute later, another one appears, and darkness returns.

I can't help but think about the texts Susan would send me while I watch the moon peek out from behind a cloud. There was no way of knowing when one would arrive, shining brightly on my phone and plunging me deeper into despair.

I, too, would be braving the elements while working through a day outside. A text message would alert me with a ding on my phone. When she was too weak to cook or wield cutlery, she needed assistance with basic activities such as going to the bathroom, getting dressed, and eating.

She hated the humiliation, but what was even worse was when she begged me to embrace her. No matter how many times I tried, I could never figure out how near to get or where on her body to touch her. Her lifeless, weakened body felt very cold and brittle.

A chicken clucks some fifty meters away from the hen house at the bottom of the hill. Perhaps a fox is out tonight, nosing around the chicken house for an opening.

A heavy layer of clouds begins to cover the moon and sky, casting total darkness over the entire scene. That is precisely what the fox wants to hear. Clumsily and loudly, I make my way toward the noise source, presumably scaring away whatever is causing the hens to cluck.

This time, I'm heading back inside. I may have accidentally left a light on. At any moment, I could be surprised by the appearance of friends or a curious passerby at the window inside. None of the neighbors bother to come by anymore.

Within, a fluttering of the house's light. My logical mind tells me that it's the strain on the power system caused by the proliferation of air conditioners to alleviate the oppressive summer heat.

There is a moment of darkness as the light goes out and must be replaced. In rapid succession, this occurs twice.

Could that be a sign, the sudden flashing of the light? Could this possibly be Susan's attempt at getting in touch with you?

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